A Phrase to Eliminate Immediately

Kris Plachy: Hey, I'm Kris Plachy, host of the Lead Your Team podcast. Running a million dollar business is not easy, and whether you are just getting started with building your team or you've been at this for a while, I'm going to bring you honest, specific and clear practices you can use. Right now today to improve how well you lead your team.

Let's go ahead and get started.

Well, hello, how are you? Welcome, welcome. I have a couple of things that I've wanted to talk to you about. These are observations I've made of myself. And my clients. So I thought these would be helpful to share with you. So I'm gonna do this over the next couple of weeks. I'm just gonna share some general client observations, things that we do that we don't even know that we do, that as a coach I can see you doing and I can see how those, the behaviors that we're doing them, like the way that we're doing them is affecting.

Probably just your impact and your ability to get the results that you want. And it's not that what I'm gonna share with you is necessarily bad that, that we have a tendency to do. It's just, it gets in the way and I just want you to be aware. Okay? So the first one I wanna talk about is something that I think is really, really insidious that we don't even know that we're doing.

And again, it's not terrible, it's just not. Effective. So this is a phrase that I would recommend if you could pay attention that you drop from your vocabulary, I think with anyone. But I am specifically talking about with your team. But I do think it applies everywhere. And the phrase is, I need, I need you to put this out on.

Instagram today. Hey, I need this to be repaired. Hey, I need the website to be updated. Hey, can I need the garbage taken out? I need you to take out the garbage. I need you to make the bed. I need you to call so and now again, like I said, it's pretty insidious, right? I think. I think you'll notice that.

You might say it a lot. I think I have caught myself doing that. But here's where I think when I hear it, here's what I hear, and you know that part of the premise of my work with so many of my clients is that we don't want to. Put our employees in the position of being responsible for our emotional health.

I hear clients say a lot that they say to their employees you guys have to understand. I'm so stressed out. That really stresses me out. That's really hard on me. Like we, we create these dynamics where we're positioning. I. The employee as being responsible for how we feel, and that doesn't foster a healthy, entrepreneurial, mature relationship with your team.

You are responsible for your emotions. You are responsible for how you feel. Other people are not responsible for how you feel ever. Now that doesn't mean that there aren't people that we eventually think, Ooh, I don't think I wanna hang out with them because you've done your work and you're like, yeah, no, this isn't my person.

That's okay. But we, we have to be very sensitive to and aware of, especially as leaders, if we blame people for how we feel, because it makes them have to change who they are in a way that is so unuseful and it creates a dynamic between you guys that's not healthy. And I really want you to think about people in your life that you feel responsible for their emotions and, and on the extreme side of that, where is that really unhealthy for you?

We all know this person, so I'm taking you to the fringe side of that. That's not you, I'm sure, but it's still true. When we say, I need you guys to stop doing that. It's just so stressful for me. I need you guys to listen to me. I need you guys to write this, this tone, this thing like you guys, you know what I'm saying?

I know. You know what I'm saying? Just admit it safer there, right? Even if you don't say it out loud. So the second reason why I know this is not effective is once your business is a certain size, it isn't about you, it's about the business. So when you say, I need. I need the social media posts to go out. I need the copy to be written.

I need the products to be organized. I need the closet to be cleaned out. It's still reminding you and everyone else that it's like your business, like they're not a part of it. You, they help you. And remember, what we're trying to go from is me to we, so we need is even a better step than I. It's not about pleasing you.

Even though I know in your brain, it really is, I get that I want you to respect me in or not respect me, but I want you to hear me and believe me when I say, you can respect me too, maybe we'll keep that in. But you, you don't hire people to help you and make you feel good. You hire people to achieve a result and drive the success of the business.

They're responsible for their emotions. I'm responsible for mine. You know why? I also don't want employees to be responsible for my emotions because I don't wanna be responsible for theirs. And in women-led businesses, this is a trap now, not for every woman. So please, if that's not you, I get you. But listen to me.

We got a lot of love festing happen in women owned businesses, which I think is great. Listen, I love my team. I'm all in. They can tell me anything, but I'm also pretty confident that they're not gonna knock me off my emotional position because I feel like I can manage that now. Do I have a moment every now and then where I need to take a breath?

Yep. It's not the best time for a Slack message, right? That's not someone else's responsibility, and that is a game changer in a relationship with a boss. That's part of how you become a woman that everybody wants to work for, is you don't hold them accountable for your emotional health. You just hold 'em accountable for their commitments and the role that they're in.

That's easy to not give other people the assignment of being responsible for your emotions and your, your I needing is just reminding you and them that they're in charge. I need you to do this. No, you don't need anybody to do anything. And you know what else? They don't care. Like you say, you're a kid, right?

I need you to do this. I need you to do this. They, they don't, that's not a, it's not about what you need. It's about the fact that you made a commitment to take out the garbage. Please take out the garbage. You made a commitment to do these social media posts, do these posts. You made a commitment to make sure this shipping was done on time.

Make sure it's done on time, not because I need you to do it. There's a big difference. And the, the cleaner you get with that, the faster you're gonna be able to move through a lot of the potential for people to feel obligated to deliver something because they wanna make you happy. Okay? So I really, really wanna stress if this is a critical thing for you to pay attention to.

So just take a take, take some time today and pay attention to yourself. See if you say it, just notice I need you to, I need, you know what I need, I need this, I need this. And just try either, could you. So could you please make sure that the social media posts are done? Could you please make sure that the shipping is handled today?

Could you please respond to this client request versus I need, or where are you with your social media posts? Where are you with responding to that client? Where are you with your shipping? It's focused on them, not you. Okay? It's subtle. It matters. And then I want you to really, this is like a whole other, this is so much of what I teach in my program and how to c e o, and this is honestly what we're doing in the empathic c e o virtual intensive.

That will have already happened by the time you listen to this. But I know this is the biggest work for all of us, is really learning, really getting to knowing like this, knowing that other people don't get to be in control of your emotional health. It's one of the biggest barriers to the clients that I've met, their ability to grow.

Because when you rely on other people to help you manage your emotions, the more people you end up putting in your company, the more overwhelming that becomes. So if it's, if it's you and two people right now, let's learn this now. Not when you've got 10 people. That's a lot more what I call emotional noise.

And there's a lot more potential for friction and challenge, right? It's natural. Just you have more people in there. You got more of it. So your responsibility as a woman who leads a company who is striving for entrepreneurial maturity and success. Is to learn how to manage her own emotions so she can be all of that in a bag of chips so she can get out of her own way.

So that her voice, her leadership vision, her presence, her ideas, her creativity, that that is the loudest part of you and not what you demand of others so that you feel good when that's the noisiest part of you. You, we lose you. We lose the, we lose your gift. And so it's hard, I have a lot of clients who come to coaching calls with me, and they have tantrums.

They're mad, they're hurt, they're angry, they're frustrated. That things that, that whatever employee insert here is not different. That it's not easier, that it's too hard, and they shut down because they feel so terrible. And then they're blaming their external circumstance on that. So when you do that, you feel powerless.

So my recommendation always is, yeah, of course. Of course someone didn't meet your expectations. Of course, someone didn't do their job right? Of course, this is hard. And now what? You gonna quit? I don't think that's who you are, is it? No. Learn. Master yourself. Become the leader of your own mind before you can expect to be the leader of others.

Game changer, y'all. But it's an investment. It, and it's not ne, I have all these new clients in my, had a C e O program. I think we're in week six or seven now, and Woo. Like it's work. If you want the, the, the grand vision, whatever that is, it's paved with discomfort.

I'm trying to lose some weight right now. Do you know how uncomfortable I am daily? No. I really want the rice. Why can't I just the rice, I'm so uncomfortable, right? And so I'm right here with my clients just in a different part of my life. I'm willing to be uncomfortable and have a difficult conversation all day.

I'm having a really hard time giving up the rice, so I totally respect how challenging this is. But you know what I want? I want a thin, healthy body as I get older. What do you want? The reason women come and listen to this podcast is cuz they want a well-run business that they can take a break from every now and then and they can make more money and they don't have to work as hard.

Are you willing to work for it? And the work isn't in your hustle, y'all. It's in your brain. That's the work. That's where the maturity is. That's where the growth is. That's a big step. So no more I need, could you, where are you with, right? How you doing on whatever the question is. Just no more. I need and pay attention to where you are believing that your employees are responsible for your emotions, because I can promise you they aren't.

And if you are arguing with me as you're listening to this or watching this, I'm right. Just, I'm right. So I'll leave you with that. All right. We are in the process of building the interest list for the next how to C e O program starts in April. If you are gonna do this, let's do this. Listen people on the interest list, find out about things sooner than people who aren't.

So you might wanna be on that interest list. Go to how to ceo register.com. Get your name on there and join other gorgeous women just like you, who are also woefully overwhelmed, but. You'll love one another. All of my clients, they just fall in love with each other, which is super fun cuz it's like you guys have this in common.

All right, have a good afternoon, morning, night, wherever you are. Talk to you soon. One more thing before you go. In a world of digital courses and online content, I like to work with my clients live because I know that when you have someone you can work with, ask questions of and meet with, you're so much more likely to get the success that you want.

So head on over to how to ceo live.com to learn more about our very exciting, very exclusive program just for female entrepreneurs. We'll see you there.