From Resistance to Acceptance
Oct 14, 2024
In this episode of Leadership is Feminine, host Kris Plachy dives into the power of acceptance and the futility of resisting reality. Drawing from her 13 years of leading retreats in Hawaii, Kris reflects on a key question she frequently asks: "What do you wish wasn’t?"
This thought-provoking question highlights how often we get stuck wishing circumstances, people, or experiences were different. Instead of fighting against what is, Kris encourages listeners to embrace the present and explore new possibilities.
Through a series of reflective stanzas, she emphasizes the importance of taking personal agency and making new choices, rather than expending energy on resistance. Tune in to discover how shifting from wishing for change to embracing your power to act can propel you forward as a leader and visionary.
“There is no way to make what was again. There are only choices that move us forward or keep us stuck. The past is gone, the present is our current truth. But the future, our future, always exists in our next step.”
Key Takeaways From This Episode
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The Core Question: What do you wish wasn't?
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What the Question Reveals About Our Desires
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The Energy Wasted in Longing for Things to be Different
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The Importance of Accepting Current Circumstances, Rather Than Wishing Things Were Different
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Encouragement for Listeners to Seize Personal Agency and Create New Paths for Themselves
Contact Information and Recommended Resources
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Transcript
Kris Plachy:
Hello. Thank you for hopping onto the podcast this week. My name is Kris Plachy, and I'm your host. Welcome to Leadership is Feminine. If this is your first time here, this is going to be an interesting one for you to tune into. We talk all things leadership and female entrepreneur and leadership thing. But this week, I'm gonna do something a little, what's the word? Weird, I guess, is the right word, or just different? We'll go with different. I've been leading retreats in Hawaii for 13 years.
Kris Plachy:
You all hear me talk about that from time to time. I just concluded the last one. It was amazing, as is always. But this one, I don't know, just had a thing. And I started these retreats back in 2012, and I remember that one of the very first questions I ever asked at my very first retreat is still one of my favorite questions. And that question is, what do you wish wasn't? What do you wish wasn't? And my people at my retreat looked at me like, "What? What? Do I... like..." Just write it down and read it. What do you wish wasn't? And it proves to be a pretty powerful question when you let yourself answer it, right? Cause basically it shows you where you are arguing with a reality. You're arguing with the past, you're arguing with a current circumstance, you're arguing with someone else's behavior, someone else's decision.
Kris Plachy:
In your mind, you wish something wasn't, which means that you're wishing for something that does exist. You wish it didn't, or someone or a circumstance or an experience. And so, it, it has been a real core of my work. It's part of why I think I really dove deep into difficult people and difficult conversations and difficult decisions, and it's why I help so much of what I do with my clients is through, you know, sort of a socratic process, though, of moving through difficult moments. Helping them find their wisdom and their answer so that they no longer are just yelling at what is. And so while I was in Hawaii, I wrote what I'm going to share with you.
Kris Plachy:
And it's very short. It's only three minutes or so long. It's just. I don't know that I call it a poem as much as a, I don't know. What do we call these things? I'm not a writer. Even though I write all the time, I don't know the right word. It's a series of stanzas. We'll call it that.
Kris Plachy:
Really about what do you wish wasn't and how futile it is to waste any extra energy on wishing things were different than they are. Because for as long as we yell at what is, we do not find what could be. Right? So that's what I made for you today for this podcast, is a short little stanza series about wishing for what wasn't or what isn't. And I hope it helps you think about where you also might be standing still and staying stuck where you have potential to move forward. If you just stop yelling at what is. I'll talk to you next time.Yelling at the brick wall. You shouldnt be here. Wishing the blowing wind just shouldnt be there. When we wish what wasn't is and we wish what isn't was, we expend energy that won't, can't or doesn't bring us any closer to finding a new solution.
Kris Plachy:
There is no way to make what was again. There are only choices that move us forward or keep us stuck. The past is gone, the present is our current truth. But the future, our future always exists in our next step. And we will either choose to yell at what is, wishing - she, he, they, them - it should just change, go away, stop, start, be different. Get it together, figure it out, get on board. Or, we acknowledge the wall, the howling wind, the people on our left and our right, the loss, the results, or the circumstances we wish weren't.
Kris Plachy:
And we ask ourselves new questions. How do I navigate this differently than I have before? How do I choose the next best step for me instead of waiting for it or them to change? What if this challenge is for me to learn, grow, build muscle, tell myself a new story? What might I choose for myself if this part of my narrative is just a fork in the road, not a drama filled dead end? When you stop yelling at what is and you start telling yourself you have more personal agency than you've given yourself credit for, you might just find new paths, peace from the howling wind, relief from her, him or it.New choices create inertia. Inertia creates new action, and new action creates new results. Stop yelling at the story that is, and start telling the story of what your aspirational self who chooses to make the new choice and ultimately leads herself through it.
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