Navigating Disappointment: Finding Strength and Purpose in Leadership

Are you feeling discouraged by the current state of leadership and wondering how to lead with more empathy and purpose? Do recent events have you questioning how to stay true to your values as a leader? In this soul-searching episode of Leadership is Feminine, host Kris Plachy delves into the aftermath of the election, sharing lessons from her personal experiences and those of her clients.

In a world where power is too often misused, Kris reaffirms her belief in a leadership approach centered around empathy and empowerment. Sharing from her own experiences with intimidating and abusive leaders, Kris insists, "I think what matters most as female leaders is to have the empathy and the patience to give people the space they need through this process".

She highlights the importance of personal agency and self-determination, explaining how our perception of circumstances often dictates the outcomes. As we navigate tumultuous times such as elections and a global pandemic, Kris urges us to focus on our own empowerment – where we spend our money, our time, and how we view our circumstances.

In a time when character and integrity in leadership are tested, join Kris, more inspired than ever to pour into people ready to step into their own power.

Key Takeaways From This Episode

1. Personal Experiences with Bad Leadership: A look at experiences of bullying, and intimidation from leaders.

2. Role of Leadership in Achieving Results

3. Importance of Continuation: Decision to continue towards empowerment.

4. Focus on Self Empowerment and Agency: Importance of women's financial freedom and authority.

5. Advocacy for Empathy and Love Despite Political Differences

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Transcript

Kris Plachy:
Well, welcome to Leadership Is Feminine podcast. I'm Kris Plachy, your host. How are you? I was just talking with Michelle about what to talk about on the podcast for next week, and I have all sorts of notes on topical things that I can talk about. And I just am not feeling quite inclined to talk about any of them right now. And instead, what I want to talk about is you.

Kris Plachy:
And I want to talk to you a little bit about personal agency since the election and my own experience. And, you know, everybody's experience is different. And so I think what matters most as female leaders is to have the empathy and the patience to give people the space they need through this process. Because this is, for some people, this is very significant. And not just for the reasons I think a lot of people think. And that's what- I'm not, I'm not here to share what all those reasons are. I've had a lot of conversations with a lot of people, and whatever sort of group, race, combos that you are, your journey is going to be unique.

Kris Plachy:
And also your life experience makes that unique. And so I don't have any intention of like, telling people what they should be or who they should be or what they should do. What I do think is true- I got a comment from a client. So after the election, I actually talked to a girlfriend of mine, and I was pretty distraught. My podcast is called Leadership is Feminine. I do believe that what makes someone a leader worth following is someone who demonstrates an interest and willingness in helping people be better than they were. I believe that's what leadership is.

Kris Plachy:
And so, I often have found myself over the past several years questioning whether or not what I do is just yelling at the wind. And the truth is, I started what I do when I was so very young. I remember, I think I was just sort of inherently raised with kind of this justice value. And I remember in fourth grade, my fourth grade teacher pulling me in the hallway. Do you guys remember that? Did anybody else ever get- I didn't get, ever get pulled in the hallway. I was a good kid, quote unquote.

Kris Plachy:
But I got pulled in the hallway and I got told by her that I would never amount to anything. And the reason she told me that is because she found out I was, I had worked on my project the night before that was due. And so she told me that if I didn't stop that I would never amount to anything. And I remember standing in the hallway, I was so crushed and embarrassed and mortified. And also thought, "I don't think it's okay that she talks to me like that". I mean, how old was I in fourth grade? Nine, 10? I don't even know.

Kris Plachy:
But I just remember being like, "I don't think this is okay". And then I remember having this employee I worked for, this lady director. She was so mean, cruel, mean, insulting. And I walked out of her office and she yelled at me. And we worked in this office that everybody could hear everything. She yelled at me. What, what's that? What, do you have something stuck in your crotch? And I was walking funny. I think my ankle hurt.

Kris Plachy:
I don't remember what was going on, but I was mortified. She thought it was hysterical. And I remember thinking, "I don't think that's okay. I don't think it's okay that she's in a position like she's in that. And she talks to me like that." She was talking to anybody like that. Everybody was so afraid of her. She was so intimidating.

Kris Plachy:
She was so imposing. Her body was huge. Her voice was loud. And then, of course, I think I've told you the story of this other guy that was 5 foot 8 and didn't have any hair, and someone was looking for him and didn't know what he looked like. And I said, well, he's a short bald guy. And he proceeded to come back and rip me a new one for saying he was short and bald. Of course I was like, I think you are short and bald. And he was in a leadership position.

Kris Plachy:
And I remember thinking, "I don't think this is okay. I think you are reacting. You are not regulating your emotions." And I was like 19 at the time. And so then I got a corporate job and I watched so many people in positions of authority abuse the role, speak meanly, intimidate, threaten, caution, gaslight, which we didn't use that word at the time, right? Just question, passive aggressive, tease, openly, insult openly. And I remember thinking, I don't think this is necessary, like we can actually be really, really great at motivating people and never, ever, ever, ever have to ignore, avoid abuse, insult, be cruel to anyone. Like, it doesn't, it is unnecessary. And so that is when I began my own journey of understanding the mechanics of motivation and performance and all of it.

Kris Plachy:
And that is what I have done for 30 years. And so it is heartbreaking when the collective voice of this country says, "Yeah, I want more of that. I want to work for, live under..." Just remember that a president is not a leader. A president is an elected representative. He has been elected to represent our interests. No one's going to argue with what he says about other people and what he calls other people and what he has physically and literally done, proven this is who we choose as our representative. So I had a minute where I thought, "I don't, I don't get it."

Kris Plachy:
This isn't about policy to me. This is about character. And I'll never get it. But a lot of people choose policy over character. And I guess I have to eventually understand that that's going to be true. Because leaders will choose horrific behavior, and horrific leaders promote horrible leaders within companies because they get the results. Even if everybody always quits, they don't care that leader gets results. And so I had a minute. I sobbed.

Kris Plachy:
But then my friend said to me, "Well, that's exactly why we need what you do". And then I got a message from a client who I've worked with for a long time, and she sent me a Voxer message that I thanked her for. And she said, "I'm so full of dread today, but grateful I have you and your work in my life". I'm thinking, wow, with the choices this country is making, the work you do to empower women is so important. It's hard. It's a hard day for women in leadership, but we have to keep going. And so I decided that my little pity party could be over. And let's be honest, I'm a white, well resourced woman.

Kris Plachy:
I have a lot of availability of resources. There are other people who are understandably, even understandably so much more concerned. And I am all in with all of them. And so what I believe we have to do, the only thing we really can do today anyway, and probably for the next several months, is to focus on our own empowerment, our own vision, our choices, where we spend our money, how we save our money, who we spend our time with, how we spend our time, what we put in our minds and the dreams and aspirations that we will not that we refuse to let go of. I don't think there's anything better than stealing ourselves for what we know we want more than anything, because there are always going to be things we can't control. And listen, the future is unwritten, as Natasha Bedingfield would say. And so I'm going to take some liberties to write mine. I don't know if you all follow her first 100k.

Kris Plachy:
I feel terrible because I can't in this moment. Oh, Tori Dunlap, that's who she is. She put out a really great video just recently and she said, you know, the best thing you can do for yourself right now is become financially educated and make as much money as you can. And I thought that's great advice for any time for women, but I think it's exceptional advice right now because with money comes authority, comes agency, comes power. And I believe there's a lot of ways for all of us to tap into ways to make money. So what's the point of this podcast other than me sort of sharing my thoughts? I want to remind you that circumstances, while they matter, they do not predispose us to a result. The only thing that ultimately will predispose us to the result is the way we choose to frame a circumstance. And that is where your power is, is in the narrative you choose.

Kris Plachy:
When Covid hit, we had to do something very similar. And many of you have been listening to me since then. And you know what I mean that, okay, we don't have control over the fact that all of these things are now shut down, that this pandemic is racing through this country, but we do get to decide how we want to show up within it. And I just wanted to pop on here on this Monday morning to remind you of how powerful you are, of how capable you are, and no matter who you voted for, to remember that we are all Americans and we are all here. I would hope to support and love one another as a citizenry. It's hard to feel that way. I It's hard to believe that on some days our freaking political sign Paris Walls was stolen from our front yard. I don't understand the sense in that, but whatever.

Kris Plachy:
But all of us have families that we know who might have an undocumented person living here who have a different color skin, they aren't white, who are queer or trans, who have special needs and really, really need the support of government services. There are people that I know, all of us know, and they need love more than anything. Despite the choices that were made at the ballot box. And as women, our best ability to support and love and care for and model for and nurture and empower others is by our own agency. Is digging in and deciding. This is what I want this next year to look like. And I'm going to figure out how to make that work. And I will bring people with me.

Kris Plachy:
I decided that I'm going to go. I have a Hawaii retreat January 24th through the 26th. And I decided I'm going to do some sort of event event on Inauguration Day because I'm not marching again. And I'm not putting a pink hat on my head again. And I'm not wearing a safety pin again. And I'm not. I'm not doing all of that again. I don't know what needs to be done.

Kris Plachy:
But that. That didn't work. So what I'm gonna do instead is pour into people who are ready to step into a next level, to transform for themselves and for others, and to commit to whatever that is. And I'm super excited about it. So Inauguration Day 2025, the irony that it's Martin Luther King Day is not lost on me, and it shouldn't be lost on any of the rest of us. And so what would he have us do? So that's my plan. What's yours?