On Being Committed

Are you finding it challenging to follow through on your goals, even though you genuinely want to achieve them? Do you notice a gap between your intentions and your actual commitment, especially when the going gets tough? With the end of the year approaching, many of us are reflecting on our goals and thinking ahead to what we want to accomplish.

In this episode of Leadership is Feminine, host Kris Plachy discusses the concept of true commitment and explores the difference between simply wanting something and being fully committed to making it happen. Using her own goals as an example, Kris reveals her own moments of doubt and how she's come to realize that accomplishing big things doesn’t just happen; it takes serious change, focus, and unwavering commitment.

Kris explains that commitment requires going all in, staying the course, and investing in your goals even when things come up. Of course, we all have things we want, but are we truly willing to do what it takes to make them happen? It's more than just a list of ambitions; it’s about narrowing our focus and fully committing to a singular goal. As Kris says, “Be honest about what it is that you really, really, really want... and then, look at the bigger plan.”

She also discusses the importance of being a woman of her word, to herself and those she commits to. Kris also points out how breaking commitments can lead to a self-perpetuating cycle of not following through. Giving your word should, therefore, be a respected and thoughtful act.

Join Kris as she navigates understanding desires versus commitments, the impact of your commitments on others, and how being intentional with commitments can create not only a better image of oneself but also a clear path to achieving those ambitious life goals.

Key Takeaways From This Episode

1. Personal Reflections on Commitment

2. Exploring Reasons of Wanting Something

3. Understanding the Struggle of Commitment: Ensuring that it is a priority.

4. The Effects of Not Following Through Due to a Lack of Commitment: The negative impact of making arbitrary commitments

5. The Journey of Daily Decision-Making and Focus: Encouragement for listeners to narrow their focus.

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Transcript

Kris Plachy:
Well, hello. Hello and welcome to Leadership is Feminine. I'm Chris Lecky. I want to talk to you about commitment. I want to talk about one of the things that I think is a running theme in most of the work I do with my own clients. Most of the conversations I have with myself, most of the conversations I have with my girlfriends, my children, my husband. I want to talk about commitment. So let's try and start.

Kris Plachy:
You know, my frame of thinking, the way that I think, is always rooted in a funnel. In fact, I used to joke years ago because I used to teach, I used to run sales teams and I used to teach sales and I taught that, you know, everything was a funnel. I'm going to start at the top of the funnel. So imagine a funnel. We're going to be way up here. And that starts with the fact that there's a lot of things available to us to want. You know, most of us listening to this podcast are living in a relatively well resourced life, right? I'm sure you could have more of something. More money, better housing, you know, more things that you would like to have.

Kris Plachy:
I respect that. Not everybody's in the same position, but I think most people that are probably able to have access to this podcast are also living in an environment where they're relatively well resourced, which means that you, you have access to wanting or seeing a lot of things that you want. If you have access to a phone, you have access to wanting, which means you have access to potential, committing, meaning, "Ooh, I want that. I want that business. I want that house. I want that car. I want that life. I want that body.

Kris Plachy:
"I want that makeup. I want that way of speaking. I want that friendship. I want that relationship. I want that. I want that." Right? Lots of us can see the things in the world that are available and we can say, I want that. And I think wanting something is, is the beginning of, you know, commitment.

Kris Plachy:
It's the desire that, that sparks interest, but it isn't the commitment. Wanting is not a commitment. Wanting is wanting. And I journal every day, and every day I talk to myself about what I really, really, really want. And it's not lost on me that there are some things that I have put on my really, really, really, really want list that I still don't have. Now there's some really cool things that I have created in my life and in my business, and I'm very proud of that. So what's the difference? Commitment. Because we know that anything worth wanting is worth working for, right? We know that and we can't say yes to everything all at once.

Kris Plachy:
It's just not a possibility. I mean, well, you can, but you. You physically will run out of steam. And I coach women on this issue all the time because if anything, we are over yes-ers, right? To everyone and maybe even ourselves. We over commit. We over- what is it that Tony Robbins says? We underestimate what we can do in a year and we overestimate what we can do in a day. That's it.

Kris Plachy:
So we over commit in our daily life, right? We don't look at the bigger picture. And I think that as we're rounding down this year, and it's not lost on me that this podcast is also dropping the Monday after the US Election. So if any of you are wanting to listen to something other than what the hell's happening, which I don't know what will be happening in a week from today, who knows? This is a good podcast because as you're rounding down the year, you're going to start getting those little, you know, sort of requests of yourself, like,"Ooh, this would be fun to put on my 2025 list. This would be fun to create. This would be fun to have.

Kris Plachy:
"This would be fun to want. I'm going to put this on my list." Right? And so I started that myself. I have a, I have my remarkable, as many of you know, and I have my 2025 notebook. And I just started writing things that come to me as an interest, like, "Ooh, it'd be fun to do that. It might be interesting, but I'm not committing yet." And then today, what I did is I wrote down what are the things I tell myself I want on a regular basis, I want to achieve, I want to feel, I want to experience, you know, all of those elements. And then I took it one step further, and I asked myself, "Why do I want it?" Why do I say - or, what did I write? No, I said, "Why do I think that's important?" And so I wrote all that out this morning, and then I looked at it and thought, "Is that-

Kris Plachy:
"Do I like those reasons?" Because the things that I say that I want to do yet now are, they're big. They're. They're big. Like, in a year, one of them would be great, right? And I, of course, want to do them all in a year, which I think is unreasonable. So commitment is not just wanting. Commitment is a willingness to go all in, to stay the course, to put your feet forward and then let your body follow, to. To remain invested, even when it's hard to remain invested even when it fails.

Kris Plachy:
Because truthfully, if you look at all of the things that you've achieved in your life, I can't believe you've had one that just was like, I just bought it and it happened. Like, there's always failure. There's always something that doesn't go the way that you'd like. It doesn't mean it deterred you. It doesn't mean it was a big fat bummer. Something didn't happen like it was supposed to or as you wanted or you as you expected, but it didn't deter you. Right. But there are other things that we say that we want and we have a failure or we have an overwhelm or we have a frustration and we immediately lose our commitment.

Kris Plachy:
Right. I mean, I could speak for so much of this in my life. Like, I could just talk about it in terms of the challenges I've had with my diet and food. Right. Oh, had the potato chips. That's it. I'm out. Can't lose weight this year, which is silly, but it may allegedly be true.

Kris Plachy:
Right. Oh, wanted to hit that financial goal, but got this big, huge bill, so not going to hit that for this year. Right. Like, we immediately lose commitment. Why? Is it because we didn't really want it, or is it because the commitment is requiring something of us that we just don't, we don't want that part.Michelle was just Slacking me a couple. This was a few weeks ago, and she said, "You know, we have this Lead program on, and there's some people who are like, 'I just don't have time.

Kris Plachy:
When am I going to make time to do all of this?'" And, like, that's an interesting question because I don't think it takes a lot of time. Now, of course, I've been teaching this for 30 years, so, you know, I have some perspective that might be different than others, but at the same time, like, is that what somebody who's really committed says? And I'm not trying to gaslight anyone. I'm just truly asking the question, because there's nobody- you have to be more honest with yourself than you when it comes to your commitment. It has nothing to do with anyone else. It has to just do with you. And I honestly think that's why a lot of women don't invest in themselves, is because they're afraid they won't keep their commitment. But why would you be afraid you're not going to keep it? Because you don't.

Kris Plachy:
You have a history of it. So if that's true. Then what's your relationship with commitment? You have a relationship with wanting things. I imagine it's pretty good. You like to think about what you want. It's fun. But what's your relationship with committing to achieving something, getting something, making something happen? Is that as fun? Is that as real? Is that as powerful? Do you believe that you're someone who's not disciplined enough to achieve certain things? Do you believe that you're just really bad with time? Do you believe that you just don't have it all together? Do you just believe that you're a hot mess? Do you believe that you don't have enough support? Do you believe that you just don't have the people, the team, the time, the family life? What do you tell yourself you. You are missing to really commit? And I would argue that that's all just stuff we do to ourselves.

Kris Plachy:
And then we do it with each other, right? We get together. Oh, I know, right? Like, and we're just egging each other on to not hit our commitments. What would it be like if we actually egged each other on to achieve it, whatever it is.And then I want to point out the one other side of commitment that I don't think we talk a lot about. And I'm, I'm a little reluctant, but I'm going to say it because I think it's worth the conversation. Have we all had that person in our lives who's always late? Like, they never show up on time, or they say they're going to go, they say they're going to come, they say they're going to participate, they say they're all in. "Oh, yeah, it sounds amazing."

Kris Plachy:
And then they don't show. They last minute cancel. They last minute- "Oh, I had a thing. Oops, I forgot. Oh, shoot." There's at least one of those in everybody's life, right? And you might be that one. I don't know.

Kris Plachy:
But so, either way. I had a client once who I worked with, and I love her. I just love her. And I can promise you, I am not fibbing. I might have said this on a previous podcast. We made appointments to meet, like, every now and then. It was probably like, would amount to maybe four times in a year, right? Like, "Yeah, we should get on a call.

Kris Plachy:
"Let's chat, let's catch up. I want to hear what you're up to. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah." For two years, she never once made one call. She canceled me every time for something else. And that was when I'm like, "Okay, I think you're amazing and I understand, but this isn't okay. Like, I'm clearly not someone you're committed to.

Kris Plachy:
"I understand. I'm not going to take it personally, but that also means I'm not giving you my time anymore." Why would I do that? One would argue two years was a long time to finally get the hint right. She's so lovely. Most people are. There was no ill intent here. I've decided to be someone that doesn't fuss around with that.

Kris Plachy:
If your life is set up in a way that it's hard for you to meet a commitment that you've made to me, I don't begrudge you personally for that. But that's not someone I'm going to either work with or make personal plans with, because that's not okay to me. So the other side of what I would call a false commitment, meaning the want is present, but the depth of commitment, meaning I am willing to say no to walk through fire, to feel uncomfortable, to fail, to feel shame, to have to learn a skill and be a mess at it, to be untalented, to feel dumb, to feel incapable, to mess up. I am willing to do all of that. When we don't really mean that, but we set up other people to think that we do. So we make a commitment to someone in our family. We make a commitment to our team. We make a commitment to a vendor.

Kris Plachy:
We make a commitment. I mean, I coach my clients all the time on their partners, their vendors, who bail on a commitment that isn't okay. And I think we all kind of get a option. Like we get- you get a one time, yeah, like a one time. Like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. But if it's a pattern, like, it's a no.

Kris Plachy:
So the other side of being someone who wants but doesn't really commit is the impact it has on who it was that didn't get the benefit of you following through on your commitment. And I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I want you to be honest with yourself about it. Because there's an upside here, I promise. And that is be honest about what it is that you really, really, really want. And if you write something down, if I asked you right this minute, you and I were sitting across from each other and I said, hey, what do you really, really, really want? One thing. Really, really, really, really. Now, are you really, really, really willing to commit to whatever it will take to achieve it? And if your,

Kris Plachy:
If your immediate response to that is "Yes, I am", then great, now write it down. What are you really, really, really willing to do? To learn, to become, to change, to fix, to stop, to start, to make it happen. What are you willing to pay? Both in time and in money and in energy? Not even both. Time, money, energy, focus, loss. It could mean that you have to lose something to gain something. Right? Because I think that we can be better at achieving what we say we really, really, really want. But then nothing else gets to come in. We have to be guardians of that commitment.

Kris Plachy:
And the person who has to guard it the most is you. Because if you compromise on it, then it wasn't a commitment. It was an idea. It was a nice to have, it was a, it was a hope. And then when you don't follow through and you aren't willing to really do, or you get conflicted. This is why I think coaching is so helpful. Because a good coach will help you stay the course if you really, really, really want something.

Kris Plachy:
And she'll at least make you really think about it before you change your mind. But then you have more evidence of not following through, which then will make it even harder for you to commit again in the future. Right? You keep that cycle going and that when you perpetuate it, it stimulates and feeds the belief that you are someone who just, you just can't commit. You have too much going on. I'm just too busy. It's just too hard. Not right now.

Kris Plachy:
It's not a good time for me. We have too many other things. And so then when we don't commit, we don't prove to ourselves what we're capable of - which, let's be clear, you are so capable of achieving so many amazing things, but maybe not so many all at once. Life is short. And I feel like the older I get, the less I feel like I have on my other side of the golf course here. But why I wrote this this morning as I was looking at my things. I know I really still, I'm really excited about achieving.

Kris Plachy:
And they feel big. They feel like I said, like, okay, I could commit just to that for this year, just one. And I may. And then I, I can watch how my brain, my quick start, hurried, impatient brain is like, "Yeah, but you can't not do these other ones". Chatter. So the commitment that I have yet to make, by the way, right, I told you, I'm still thinking about it is going to have to be a significant change in how I design my decision making and my focus. In a day, not for the year. In a day, I have to change how I behave in a day.

Kris Plachy:
I know this, and I'm worried about it. I'm going to need some coaching because it's time for me. This is my brain. It's time for me to achieve really great things. I've done good things, but there's some great ones left. And that decision is a decision about commitment. That is a decision.

Kris Plachy:
It's not. It's not that I doubt my ability to achieve what I say I want to achieve. I don't doubt it. What I worry about, and I guess it's fair to say I have doubt it about, is my ability to commit. So what is that for you? Going from a want list to a commitment? And what do you. What do you know will have to be true for that commitment to become yours and not just an idea? And what could be the impact of your commitment to other people? So I think as female leaders, and I think we have to be less arbitrary with our commitments. I think we have to be more intentional, and I honestly think it's better modeling for other women if we are all better and more intentional. Stop saying yes to everything.

Kris Plachy:
Stop saying yes to make other people happy. Stop saying yes to satiate your personal, "Ooh, I want that," right. And instead, look at the bigger plan. Look at what is really going to move either the needle on your life, the needle on your health, the needle on your personal relationships, the needle on your business. What is it that needs your commitment? And then there's no, "I don't have time". There's no, "Oops, I overbooked myself". There's no, "Oh my gosh, I can't even believe I forgot to do that this week". There's none of that anymore because it is in your line of sight because you're committed.

Kris Plachy:
What's his name? What's his name? Dave McEwen. Now I'm going to mess up his first name. Dennis. Who does it? Greg. I think it's Greg. He wrote the book Essentialism. So good. And that's what he talks about, is that it's just virtually impossible for us to have multiple priorities because the word priority in and of itself means that there's just one.

Kris Plachy:
So if you need a little backup to what we've, I've just been talking about, you might want to pick that book up and say Essentialism. It's a good one, and it's been around a while. I didn't love his second book as much, but I love the Essentialism book. So those are my thoughts for this day. I do know that I want to be a woman of my word, and I want to be a woman of my word to myself first. But then I also want to be a woman of my word to the people that I commit to. And I'm willing to bet that there's people that you commit to and you would never, ever, ever back out on that commitment.

Kris Plachy:
And then there's other people you commit to and you do back out, then that means you weren't committed. So don't commit in the first place is all I'm saying. Be kinder to yourself. Because committing when you don't really mean it sets you up for the evidence you have that says you can't finish what you start. And committing to other people and not following through sets you up for building a reputation as a woman who doesn't follow through. So limiting your commitments. Have a ton of wants, mama. Have the wants.

Kris Plachy:
Make a list. Indulge the dreams, the desires, the wishes, the wants. Let those have air to breathe. But when it comes time to the commitment, narrow your focus and go all in. I'll talk to you next time.