Resisting What Is

Kris Plachy: Hey, I'm Kris Plachy, host of the Lead Your Team podcast. Running a million dollar business is not easy, and whether you are just getting started with building your team or you've been at this for a while, I'm going to bring you honest, specific and clear practices you can use. Right now today to improve how well you lead your team.

Let's go ahead and get started.

Well, hi, how are you? Welcome. Just welcome. I, um, you know, I, I listen to podcasts. I don't, I don't listen to a ton. I am very thoughtful about as, uh, Dr. Camille Brard Wise, who is on my team would say. I'm very thoughtful about my intellectual nutrition, and so I don't digest a lot, um, unless I'm really in a craving mode.

So the, the two books that I've recently been. Dabbling with and reading is sort of how I explain what I do is the Archer by, um, Paulo Cuelo, he wrote The Alchemist. Um, it's a beautifully written book. Um, I'm only probably several, I don't know, 20 or 30 pages in, but it's just so beautiful. And then the other book I picked up, uh, because our paths crossed is you were born for this.

Which is written by Channey Nicholas. And uh, the subtitle is Astrology for Radical Self-Acceptance. And it's lovely. It's, you know, I'm a, um, I think somebody, I think I saw this somewhere, right? It's called Ominous. I think that, I don't know if I have that. The pronunciation of that, right. I don't tend to subscribe to any particular religion.

I, I tend to believe that all religions have consistent truths in them. And so I like to devour lots of, um, Lots of ideas and philosophies around relationships with spirituality and who we are. So anyway, to what, to, to the extent that it is valuable to you to have a couple of other perspectives. Um, I, I share with you those books and, um, certainly I always love to hear what books you're reading.

You can always, um, share that and post it on Instagram and tag me in. Then I'd love to know what book that is that you're into. Um, so today I want, this is a holiday week here in the US and for many others. This is the week of Christmas. This podcast will release and. As I am doing a lot of reflecting and a lot of thinking, and we're sort of in the throes of, I'm getting ready for the live virtual retreat that I will be hosting, um, with women from all over, um, who are gonna be in my Hadda c e O program or my Hadda c e o lab program.

I'm just doing a lot of thinking and what I think one of the primary lessons for this year, not just for me, I do believe this is for everyone, is something I've actually been teaching for years. I read a book years ago by Byron Katie called Loving. What is, if you haven't read it, it's exceptional. And uh, um, from that I sort of developed my own version of it, which I call resisting What is, which is a similar.

Concept I sometimes I can't get to love, but I can, um, recognize if I'm in resistance. And so when we resist what is, as I was, I was actually doing my very first Hawaii retreat and like is always the case. This, um, question just sort of surfaced for me with the women and one guy that I was with in that retreat in 2012, I asked one of my clients what.

Do you wish wasn't, and her, I watched her brain go, what? I'm like, just sit with it. What do you wish wasn't? And that's where you find your points of resistance. Now, you know, on March. 13th when at least that's in my world. When we realized, okay, the whole world just is tilting on its axis. There was a lot of wishing what wasn't.

I was wishing I wasn't in Dallas, but I was, and I had to get home. I had a, you know, 30 minute call with a son, with my son, who was freaking out that I wasn't home. He wished that I wasn't away from home during a time. That felt very scary for him. I wished that my clients were not shutting their doors. I wished that there wasn't a pandemic.

I wished that there wasn't better leadership to help our country navigate this moment. There are so many things that just for me, that I wish wasn't I had to have surgery. Several weeks ago, I wished that wasn't the case, and I got in the car with my husband after I found out I had to have the surgery, and I just was yelling, I don't want this.

I don't want this, I don't want this, I don't want this. But I had it and I had to do it, and I had to deal with it. And so I like to think that because I've been doing a lot of this work for so long, I still personally have those moments. I wish this wasn't happening. And yet I don't live there because it's so unuseful and I have found that the women I have worked with over this year are able to recover faster.

It's interesting because I've, I have worked with, you know, I'd say let's, let's just say roughly 60 women all year, right off and on, and. With very limited exception. Most of my clients are doing well financially and they're managing these moments. I started the, had a CEO program in September and intersected with quite a few women who I hadn't worked with most of the year, and it was interesting to note, not in, not, I have no judgment here.

It's just interesting to note that the women I had who hadn't been getting coaching were really still quite stuck in the moments from March and April. That a lot of us really navigated and got ourselves through in that first, sort of second quarter of the year. And so, uh, it just really reminds me. That we have to pay attention to that it feels, it feels very legitimate and valid.

I just wish this wasn't happening. I just wish, and we argue in our minds and we argue with friends, we sit there and we're like, no, this shouldn't be happening. And we argue and we right. And I'm. Do it too. We all do it, but do you stay there? If you stay there, you force yourself. You prevent, you force yourself into suffering and you prevent yourself to move out of it.

And the problem is, as a leader, that's paralyzing, not just for you, but for everybody on your team. You can't live in what you wish wasn't. You have to acknowledge this is what is. Right. We just in California went into another shutdown, and I'm watching the small businesses around me. Some are literally begging you to buy from them, and others are saying, yeah, this sucks, but here's what we're doing instead.

Do you wanna join me? Do you wanna come and show up with us? And that to me, my friends, is where your power will always be. So sitting in anger, blame, justification, resentment, burden, overwhelm is not going to get you different and new and better results. We have to tell ourselves the truth. We have to acknowledge what the truth means to us, and then we have to get about the business of managing, working within our realm of control.

So I can't control a virus, but I can control how I manage it, how I decide how I work within it. The decisions I make as a family unit we make as a unit, the decisions I make for my business, the decisions I make for how I support my clients in business, I get it. But the faster you can flip that switch is the, that, that means the faster you get back into a position of strength and empowerment, and being emboldened instead of feeling helpless, powerless, victim like burdened, resentful.

So in this week of holidays when I know there are many of you who are not with people you would love to be with, this is the first Christmas of my entire 51 year life that I will not be with my mom for Christmas. And it's soul crushingly sad. I'm getting teared up talking about it. I'm sad for her. I'm sad for my kids.

I'm sad for me, and I'm just sad. So I'm just allowing that. And at the same time, we've already talked and we have a plan and we got a tripod and we have an iPad, and we're gonna do stockings together, and I'm going to ship her a stocking and we're gonna do FaceTime and we're gonna make it work. And does it suck?

Sure. But are we doing this because it's aligned with our values? Yes. She's 82. I have three teenage kids. It would be absolutely to my, from my value perspective, irresponsible to be in the same room with her right now. So this is the right thing to do even though it's so, it's awful. And I know there are more of you.

I know there's parents who are away from their younger kids. I know that there are siblings who aren't seeing each other. I know that there are people who are ill. But arguing with it is not useful. You identify what your values are and you decide how you're gonna go forward. Okay? So in this year when, I know this is true for all of us in different ways, it's been profound to each of us in different ways.

And there isn't a wa a wrong way or a right way that you've been managing yourself and your. Team and your business and your family and your mind through this moment. But what I can tell you for sure is a recipe for not getting what you want is focusing on what you wish wasn't. Instead, we say, yes, this is, now what am I gonna do about it?

And you might just throw a little dammit at the end of that sentence, and it feels a little more empowering. Okay, so just know I'm sending you massive amounts of love, support, wisdom, and peace. This will all pass and something new and amazing is on its way. I know that. I know that for sure. Talk to you next time.

One more thing before you go. In a world of digital courses and online content, I like to work with my clients live because I know that when you have someone you can work with, ask questions of and meet with, you're so much more likely to get the success that you want. So head on over to how to ceo live.com.

To learn more about our very exciting, very exclusive program just for female entrepreneurs. We'll see you there.